Want to be a better parent? Knowing what your current
parenting style is will help you identify your needed areas for improvement.
Promoting the self-discipline and self-esteem of the children in your family
often requires an emotional juggling act by you as a parent. It is not easy to
be firm and demanding with a child one minute, then warm and affectionate the
next. This is an ongoing education process both for the parent and for the
child. In addition, many adults naturally have personalities or temperaments
that predispose them toward one parenting style or another.
Authoritarian Parenting
Parents who tend to overemphasize the discipline side of the
equation are referred to as authoritarian. Authoritarian parents are demanding
in the worst sense of the word. They are intimidators, requiring obedience and
respect above all else. They become overly angry and forceful when they don’t
get that obedience and respect. Their love and acceptance appear totally
conditional to the child. They do not teach or listen to their kids or explain
the reason for their expectations, which are frequently unrealistic. They often
see their children’s individuality and independence as irrelevant or
threatening.
Research has shown that authoritarian parents tend to
produce children who are more withdrawn, anxious, mistrustful and discontented.
These children are often overlooked by their peers. Their self-esteem is often
poor.
Permissive Parenting
Parents who overemphasize the self-esteem side of the
equation are referred to as permissive. They may be warm and supportive, but
they are not good disciplinarians - even in the privacy of their own home. They
make only weak demands for good behavior and they tend to avoid or ignore
obnoxious behavior. They seem to believe that children should grow up without
any anger, tears or frustrations. They reinforce demanding and inconsiderate
behavior from their children and often find it easier to just give in to their
child's demands. Their love and acceptance are “unconditional” in the worst
sense of the word, for they set few rules or limits on what their children do.
Research has shown that permissive parents tend to produce
children who are more immature, demanding and dependent. These children are
often rejected by their peers. Their self-esteem is often unrealistic and hard
to interpret, for they often blame others for their problems and misfortunes.
The Authoritative Parenting Model
Parents who are able to provide for both the discipline and
self-esteem needs of their youngsters are referred to as authoritative. They
clearly communicate high—but not unrealistic—demands for their children’s
behavior. They expect good things from their kids and reinforce those things
when they occur. They also tend to give more positive encouragement at the
right places. When kids act up, on the other hand, authoritative parents
respond with firm limits, but without fits of temper. They are warm, reasonable
and sensitive to a child’s needs. They are supportive of a child’s
individuality and encourage growing independence.
Authoritative parents tend to produce competent children.
These kids are more self-reliant, self-controlled, content and happy. They are
usually accepted and well-liked by their peers and perform better in school.
Their self-esteem is good and they report having a happier childhood experience
overall.
Where Do You Need Work as a Parent?
Logic and research, then, support the idea that children
need both firm discipline and emotional support to grow up psychologically
healthy. After reading the descriptions of the parenting styles above, if you
found that you leaned too much toward the demanding, authoritarian style, then
you need to work on the warm, supportive side of parenting. You need to have
more fun with your kids, listen better and dole out more praise. If on the other
hand, you leaned too much toward the permissive style, you need to work on
establishing clear rules, setting limits, and confronting obnoxious behavior.
Need to modify your parenting style? Start today!
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