Do You Need Childcare When You Work At Home?

Many parents decide to work at home because they want more time with their families. They hope to be able to take care of their kids themselves rather than pay for any sort of childcare. But is this really practical?

 The answer really depends on your situation. There are a lot of factors to consider when taking a realistic look at what is best for you and your children.

 How old are your kids?

 The older they are, the less help you will probably need. Babies and toddlers are home a lot more than school age children, and need a lot of care. They also won’t understand if you need quiet in order to work.

 How strict is your schedule?

 If you absolutely have to work certain hours, some form of childcare can help you keep your hours. On the other hand, if you can do a little work here, a little work there, and a lot after the kids are in bed, you might be able to get away without childcare.

 How much do you really NEED quiet in order to work?

 Even if your kids are older, the more quiet you need in order to work, the more help you may need. Obviously, if you have to close your office door in order to work, there needs to be someone responsible for the children. You can teach your kids when to bother you, but you’ll be interrupted less if there’s someone else they can ask first for whatever they need.

How many hours do you need to work?

 If you need to work more hours than the kids are in school, or your hours aren’t during their school hours, it is quite possible that you will need help.

 Can your kids help you work?

 Once your kids are old enough, it’s a good idea to let them help in appropriate ways. Whether you have a work at home job or a home business, involving your children lets them get a glimpse into what it is you really do. Who knows, you might even inspire them later in life!

 How much help can you expect from your spouse?

 If you can work when your spouse is home, and they are supportive of what you are doing, there’s your childcare solution right there. On the other hand, if your hours don’t match up to when your spouse is available, or your spouse is simply uncooperative about taking care of the kids, you might just need some extra help.

 How serious are you about what you do?

 This doesn’t mean that if you don’t use childcare you aren’t serious about working at home, but it does mean you need to think your priorities through. If you’re going to be completely focused on your work at home job or home business, it’s easy to forget to be a parent, and it’s all too easy to tell the kids you’ll play with them later, read to them later… then it’s bedtime and your kids have seen less of you than if you worked outside the home.

 There may be other factors as well that you will need to consider when you work at home. Working at home isn’t something that just happens – it requires at least a little planning if you want to succeed.

 Please note, when I say childcare, I’m not necessarily saying send your kids to a daycare. There are plenty of other options. You can hire an older neighbor child to help or you can trade babysitting with a fellow stay at home parent. Maybe your children’s grandparents are local, retired and willing. If you can keep the kids at home, giving them lunch or playing a quick game is a great way to take a break from work, but sometimes you may need to have someone outside your home take care of them. Your options will depend on your particular situation, but in many times you can do something other than pay for your kids to attend an actual daycare.

 You may have decided to work at home for the best of reasons – to have more time for your family – but make sure you don’t neglect them in the process. It’s all too easy to let your work at home take over your entire home life. A little bit of extra help with the kids when you absolutely have to work can help you to work more efficiently while still being there for your kids when they need you.

 Don’t forget to leave time for fun with the kids!

 

 

Do You Show Your Love To Your Child?

Show-and-Tell in various forms is a popular feature of many preschool classrooms.  When you watch children making their presentation you understand the popularity of show-and-tell.  Kids love to talk about their interests and passions but they love to share those interests and passions even more.

 Kids are all about show. As a parent you know this. We have to demonstrate and lead our children by the hand through every lesson--both big and small.

 So why do we so often think it is enough to simply tell our children that we love them?  It isn't enough.  Love is the biggest show-and-tell of them all and you need to make it a part of your everyday life.

 Children do as we do, not as we say, and down the road do we really want our children simply mouthing the word: "I love you" to us as they rush out the door? Or do we want them to show us in many ways?

 This is why it is crucial to show your child that you love him.

 Hugs and kisses are good. So are tickles and games. My son and I have little bedtime rituals that allow us to show our love for each other. We snuggle for bedtime stories and talk about the day. Then we come up with ridiculous ways to count how much we love each other, for example 12,567 heffalumps was one recent description. Then we butterfly kiss, Eskimo kiss, and finally squish and smooch (our code words for hugs and kisses).

 However these are not the only ways that I demonstrate my love for my son.

 When I was growing up I never doubted that my parents loved me. They made very clear that my brother and I were a top priority for them. They sacrificed professionally and personally to give us time together as a family. My father coached; my parents chaperoned, volunteered, and chauffeured; and my parents attended every school function, play, concert, and game.

 More than that though my parents took an interest in us as people and would play games or ride bikes. They would simply spend time with us doing the things that we liked doing.

It really isn't just about time. After all, both my parents worked and were active in the community. My mother was the only working mother in the neighborhood when I was a child.

 It is a question of priorities. YOU know that your child is your top priority, but what do your actions tell your child? If repeatedly your actions put something or someone else before your child then they are going to get that message loud and clear no matter what is in your heart.

 Most days my husband leaves for work before our son is even awake, but when he comes home in the evening the first thing he does is scoop Noah up for a tickle and hug. Sometimes Noah even makes his father chase him because he knows that his father will. Noah knows that he is a priority for his father and he trusts that love.

 So how can you show your child he is a priority? How can you demonstrate your love for your child? Find some way every day to show as well as tell your child of your love. Some ways we do this in our home:

 

                ~ Skip dinner preparations and make a picnic together to eat at the location of the child's choice. Noah's favorite is up in his tower.

                 ~ Clicking off the TV to lay on the floor and layout a train track. Coming up with new designs can actually be pretty relaxing for the parent after a stressful day!

                 ~ Going for a walk and just talking about whatever comes up. This is one of Noah's favorites!

                 ~ Setting down my own book to read Noah one of his.

                 ~ Putting off kitchen cleanup to go outside and play soccer or tag.

  Notice what all these actions have in common? They don't involve money, just your time and attention. That is the gift your child values above all else. Sure they'd like that latest toy and gadget they see advertised on TV, but they love you and long after that toy is abandoned in the back of their closet they will still choose to spend time with you.

 

 

Do You Want Your Children to Be Like You?

There is an old saying regarding children: “Do as I say, not as I do.” Whoever coined this phrase didn’t know much about children. Children often do not “do as we say.” We are the role models regarding how our children learn to treat themselves and others. We are the role models regarding whether or not our children learn to take personal responsibility for themselves – physically, emotionally, financially, relationally, spiritually, and organizationally.

 Do you avoid responsibility for your own feelings with substances, activities, or with shaming and blaming behavior toward yourself or others? Are you always late and is your desk a mess? Do you eat poorly and lack exercise? Are you always in major credit card debt? Do you lack a relationship with a spiritual source of love and guidance?

 If you want your children to be on time, then you need to be on time. If you want your children to be healthy and fit, then you need to be healthy and fit. If you want your children to be honest, then you need to be honest. If you want to raise happy and peaceful children, then you need to role model how to be happy and peaceful. If you want your children to have high self-esteem, then you need to learn to treat yourself and them with kindness and caring. If you treat your children with caring and respect, but your children experience you shaming yourself and treating yourself as if your feelings and needs are not important, there is a good chance they will learn to disrespect themselves as well.

 For example, Martin grew up in a family where both of his parents were high achievers and made tons of money. But his mother was a highly judgmental woman and his father was always unhappy and worried about something. Is it any surprise that Martin does well financially, yet is constantly judging himself and others and is often agitated over minor things?

 Angie grew up with a mother who was totally devoted to her. In Angie’s mind, her mother was the ideal mother – kind, compassionate, and always ready to listen to Angie and help her with her problems. Her hardworking father was also a kind and caring person. Yet Angie has a hard time taking loving care of herself. She ignores responsibility for her own feelings, does not feed herself well, is often judgmental toward herself, and has a hard time getting things done. She is constantly seeking out a man to fill her up and make her feel worthy. How did this happen with such loving parents?

 While Angie’s parents were loving to her, they were not loving to themselves. Angie’s mother used food to avoid her feelings, and was always giving herself up to please others. In addition, she could never quite get organized and was always late. Angie’s father spent his life working hard and using the TV to avoid his feelings. Neither of Angie’s parents role modeled personal responsibility for their physical and emotional health. Angie was shaped far more by how they treated themselves than how they treated her. In fact, because they treated her so lovingly and treated themselves so unlovingly, Angie grew up believing that it was others’ responsibility to love her and fill her, rather than her own responsibility. She grew up being needy and demanding, rather than personally responsible.

 Do you want your children to be like you? As a parent, it is very important to take a look at what you are role modeling for your children – not only regarding how you treat others, but how you treat yourself. If there are certain values that you want your children to have when they grow up, they are far more likely to have your values if they deeply respect you. And they will not respect you if you do not treat yourself with respect. It is highly important, if you want your children to be happy, healthy, and personally responsible, to be a role model of happiness, health and personal responsibility.

 

Discipline Versus Punishment

Do you know the difference between discipline and punishment with their Latin roots? Punishment implies inflicting pain, while discipline means to teach. Parents who use punishment are missing important opportunities to teach their children better behaviors and help them self-discipline. Children can actually be taught responsible behaviors to help them get the things they want without breaking the rules.

 

However, when parents are only interested in compliance, they often impose strict and severe consequences to stop or prevent the behavior. This generally leaves the child not thinking about how they were wrong and need to develop more appropriate behavior, but leaves them instead thinking about how unfair their parent is.

 

Punishment generally teaches children to become better at not getting caught, rather than stopping the undesirable behavior.

 

All behavior is purposeful. We don’t engage in behavior—responsible or not—for no reason. Everything a person does is that person’s best attempt to get at least one of his or her needs met in the best way available at that time. Children do not set out to be intentionally “bad.” The “bad” behaviors they engage in are helping them to meet a need they have, which is why they do it.

 

Punishing children for attempting to get their needs met does not stop them from needing to get their needs met. If a child is attempting to get their need for freedom met by being with people of whom the parent doesn’t approve, that freedom need does not go away by punishing the child. In fact, often punishment restricts the freedom need even further, making it more likely that the child will engage in more severe and desperate ways of meeting their freedom need.

 

For example, if the child is grounded for being with people the parent disapproves of, then they may end up disrespecting the grounding and attempting to go out anyway. Then, it will become necessary for the parent to become more severe in their punishment to attempt to gain control.

 

The interesting thing about control is that we really don’t have control over our children. We cannot be with them 24/7 and thus, we really don’t know what they are doing when they are out of our site. We may think we are controlling them by grounding them, but are they sneaking out? If not, what happens when the grounding is lifted?

 

Instead of punishing, let’s look at what it might be like to teach self-discipline instead. Let’s say your child has a habit of not abiding by his or her curfew. The child agrees to the curfew and then chronically comes home late espousing sincere apologies. Naturally, you want to ground them or make them come home even earlier the next time to make up for the infraction.

 

What do you think would happen if you had a different conversation? What would happen if you attempted to learn what the child was doing that prevented them from being home on time? What would happen if you believed your child when he said he really lost track of time because he got so involved in the game of basketball he was playing with his friend? Your child tells you he meant to be home on time but simply lost track of time.

 

If your goal is to help teach self-discipline, wouldn’t it make sense to help your child find a way to independently remind himself of his curfew. Perhaps he could get a watch with an alarm on it. Or if he has a cell phone, have him set the alarm on it with enough time for him to get home at the agreed upon time.

 

Maybe in your conversation, you learn that your child no longer believes his curfew is appropriate. Perhaps he thinks because he is older, he should be permitted to stay out later. You may review your expectations and realize that he is right. The curfew you have set may be too early for his age. In this case, you might be willing to adjust the curfew to a later time as long as there is compliance with the new curfew.

 

There are several solutions for every situation and remember every child and every set of circumstances is unique. Take the time to talk to your child to determine why they are breaking the rules and then help them figure out a way to honor the rules and still get what they need in their lives.

 

When you do, you will have a much more harmonious home and your children will be learning self-discipline skills so that by the time they no longer live with you, you can be reasonably assured that they will be able to take care of themselves. After all, isn’t that what you REALLY want?

 

 

Dealing With the Stress Of Being A Parent

Becoming a parent is a life changing event, and while bringing up children certainly can be a joyful experience there's no denying that it can also place huge stresses on you as a mother or father. Commonly recommended ways of dealing with stress in other areas of life tend to involve 'getting away from it all', such as visits to the gym or a game of squash to release the tension. However, being a parent is a full time job and it's not always possible to take time out in this way.

 Luckily, there are several ways of dealing with your stress that actively involve your children, and so are much easier to apply to your day to day life. You'll also probably find that enjoying time with your children while simultaneously lowering your stress levels will deepen your mutual bonds and strengthen your relationship - which sounds like a good thing all around!

 Once your child is old enough to walk, you'll likely find yourself constantly watching out for them as they use their seemingly unlimited energy to explore both their environment and their own physical skills and potentials. This can sometimes be draining of the parents' energy and a factor of stress, but why not use the situation to your advantage? Harness their energy and curiosity by taking them to a safe place such as a park or the open country, and join in with their games in the sunshine and fresh air. Exercise is a proven stress-buster, and outdoor fun with your kids is probably more enjoyable than a gym workout, and almost certainly less expensive!

 Artistic expression is good for your child's development, and also good for the parent's soul. Join in with your child's painting sessions, let yourself go, and get as covered in paint as she does. You might not create a masterpiece, but you'll have fun together and this small reversion to your own childhood can provide relief from your stressed adult world.

 In a similar vein, music can be another great aid in the battle against stress. Maybe the most obvious way of using music is to choose something mellow and relaxing, but this is unlikely to appeal to your child as much as it does to you, and so is perhaps best left until after they're in bed and you can listen in peace. A better choice is a piece of music that has energy and encourages dancing. Your child will need no encouragement to get down and boogie, but maybe you will - try it, let yourself go a little, jump around a bit, and you can both laugh with each other and at yourselves.

If you're still feeling stressed, then head for your child's toy box and choose the noisiest toy you can find. Something like a drum is ideal. Let out your pent up frustrations by making a total racket - your child may be bemused at first but should soon enter into the spirit of things. One thing to bear in mind though, is that this last activity is perhaps best conducted in the safety of your own home, and away from the eyes of non-parent adults who may not quite understand!

 

 

 

... And she pushed them, and they flew! More inspiration for control freak parents

You cannot catch a child’s spirit by running after it.  You must stand still, and for love it will soon itself return. 

 -Arthur Miller

 

This became evident to me several summers ago, when I spent 6 weeks suffering with a severe case of hives all over my body.  When the itching first began, the only way to find relief was to lie absolutely motionless.

 

My kids, who are delightfully self-entertaining, went about their business for the first few hours, checking in on me occasionally to see if I needed anything.  As the day wore on, they realized that I was a sitting duck.  They set up camp on my king size bed, and we proceeded to have some very deep and thought-provoking conversations. 

 

I doubt these interactions would have occurred if I had been my usual productive and bustling self.  I probably would have interrupted the quiet time that was necessary for their questions to emerge in order to jump up and fold the laundry before it wrinkled. 

 

I hardly ever sit still when I’m healthy.  There’s always so much to do.  Hives taught me lots of important things ... not the least of which is that the world will not collapse if I don’t hold it up.  Sure, I fell behind on things.  For the first time in my life I left phone calls unreturned, and dishes in the sink, and laundry wet and wrinkled for days. 

 

But the sun continued to rise and set anyway.  I didn’t lose any friends due to my poor response time.  And my kids learned how to take care of dirty dishes and clothes.

 

My son is a budding chef, and he had lots more freedom in the kitchen when I wasn’t there telling him what to do or how to do it better.  He was so proud to serve us the delicious meals he had prepared.

 

I’m sure you know where I’m going with this.  Sometimes the best thing we can do for our kids is drop out and let them experience their own competence.  My kids blossomed during my down time.  I think it was really great for them to feel needed and important; to make a contribution to the family that really mattered. 

 

Yeah, it’s sad that it took a nasty case of hives for me to realize that I was not giving them enough opportunities to experience their own competence, but so be it.  Now I know.  These are true confessions of a compulsive caretaker.

 

Testing my lessons learned, I asked my son if he would fix a towel hook that had fallen off the wall.  He seized the mission with zest, gathering all his tools together and tackling the problem with great concentration.

 

I stayed busy elsewhere in the house and left him alone.  I’ll never forget the look on his face when he came to tell me the job was done.  Not only had he fixed the hook, but he had even cleaned up the mess and put all the tools away!

 

I’ve realized that the best way to love my kids has changed as they’ve grown older.  It’s not so much about taking care of them anymore.  Now they need opportunities to discover their ability to take care of themselves. 

 

I’ve graduated from being their source to being their resource.  My job has changed from doing things for them to expressing my confidence that they can learn to do things for themselves.

 

Just in the nick of time, too.  I’ve been craving uninterrupted opportunities to write and think and meditate.  I’m relieved to know that I can take this time for myself without feeling that I am depriving them somehow. 

 

I guess I needed the reassurance that it was ok, even good for them, that I wanted space to myself.  Mama Bird at some point needs to get tough on her babies while getting them ready to fly.  Maybe Mother Nature gives her a helping hand by offering her the tool of irritation to toughen her up so she does what must be done.

 

Traditionally it’s been hard for me to trust that even my irritation could be ok.  Once more, I have been reminded that all is truly as it should be.  And for that, I am grateful.

 

 

 

 

5 Reasons For Parents To Love Audio Books

Quick pop quiz! How can you accomplish the following things with the push of a button:

Help your kids improve their reading skills?

Grow their vocabulary?

Help them sit quietly (willingly!)? and

Entertain them too?

Easy- Play audiobooks!

That's right Mom and Dad, listening to books on tape provide all these benefits and more.

Did you know that for a significant part of their childhood, your kids' intellectual capacity will be greater than their reading ability? That means that they can understand material when it is read aloud to them that they would not be able to read. Interesting isn't it?

My kids love audiobooks and I love that they love them. As a homeschooling Mom of 4 kids, I do a lot of reading aloud. Audiobooks give my voice a little break.

You can play books on tape when you're in the car running errands. Naptime and bedtime are also favorite times to listen to a story. (And if your kids are like mine, you wear out long before they do so books on tape are a lifesaver for helping them nod off after you've done the bedtime story!)

  Listening to audio books strengthens your child's ability to listen, a skill very crucial for their academic achievement.

Audio books also let your child hear fluent reading with a bit of flair... a lot of them are read by the author or professional actors.

If your child is struggling with reading, audio books associate reading with pleasure...so important if your child is to develop a lifelong love of reading!

Audio books help your child learn to visualize a story by using their imagination instead of the pictures (in contrast, watching television trains the brain to be lazy and rely on

images).

Why not get your child on the fast track to reading success with the push of the play button too?

  To get you started, here are some of my kids' favorite titles:

Charlotte's Web (read by the Author, E.B. White)

The Jamie Lee Curtis collection (And I dare you to get through "Tell me about the night I was born" without crying!)

A New Coat for Anna

The Maurice Sendak collection

The B.F.G. by Roald Dahl

Have fun listening together!

7 Safety Tips For School Kids

Travelling to and from school is often not very safe. However, there are some simple rules that can help to make the school journeys safer, ensuring peace of mind for both children and parents.
1. Waiting for the school bus in the mornings, while traffic is at its busiest, requires a degree of common sense. Try to have a safe place for children to wait away from the street and heavy traffic.

2. Don’t let children move close to the school bus until it has come to a complete stop and the driver has signalled that it is safe to board.

3. At the end of the school day when children leave the bus, instruct your child to move away from the vehicle at least a dozen large strides to a point where the driver can clearly see them. This helps the driver and keeps the child safe as well.

4. Instruct your child to keep a close eye on all traffic near the school bus. The law has some special protection measures for school buses, but car drivers are only human, and they can and often do make mistakes.

5. If your child walks to school, make sure he or she wears reflective material. Aim to make them as visible as possible to all drivers. This will help to avoid accidents.

6. If a child rides a bike to school, instruct them to walk the bike through intersections, observe all traffic light signals, and be wearing reflective material. They should also be with a friend if possible as one can help to look out for the other.

7. If you take your own child to school in your car, always have older children in a seat with a safety belt on, younger children in a booster seat with a safety belt on, and very small children in special safety seats, all seated in the back with only you, the driver, in the front.