Bully-Busting Strategy: Respond Without Anger

Let’s say that you come across two students having an argument (or one kid bullying another), and one of them starts calling the other names. It’s infuriating, right? But you have to train yourself not to let that anger show.

Why? Because when we get angry at what kids say, we’re teaching them that words are something to get upset about. But since we can’t actually control what other people say, getting upset over words becomes a losing battle.


Instead, Izzy Kalman, MS, NCSP, author of A Revolutionary Guide to Reducing Aggression Between Children, recommends that adults stay calm and say something like, “Those words aren’t appropriate to use in school,” or “We don’t use that language in our family.”


Why Does Getting Angry Make it Worse?
The whole point of using hurtful words or bad language is to get a rise out of someone, right? When we get angry, we give the bully exactly what he was hoping for! And to boot, we hand over to him the power to do it again and again.


Why Does Staying Calm Work So Effectively?
When we stay calm, though, we show the bully that his words aren’t so powerful after all. Eventually, the act of trying to get a rise out of us with words becomes boring, and he gives up.


Try it for Yourself
Don’t just take my word for it! Try it out on your own children or your students. Give this strategy a whirl the next time one of the kids is giving you an attitude, too, and see what happens.

Copyright © 2010 Bully Proof Media & BG Communications. All rights reserved.

Quite Possibly Andy’s Best Work

Andy Andrews has done it again with his new book, The Final Summit.  Andy ties David Ponder and other travelers like Joan of Arc, Winston Churchill, Abraham Lincoln, and a few surprises together to show us how the wisdom of the past and the wisdom of today collide to make the final summit.  Andy weaves an intriguing story of history and challenges us to learn and teach others from our history.  Sometimes what we perceive to be the answer is just a step towards that answer.  

We see how David Ponder has progressed from The Traveler’s Gift to today, the ups and downs of his life to the joys and griefs of life.  You will feel the exhilaration and the frustration that The Final Summit offers to all of us.   Now I’m going to challenge you to do something.  Read this book for the sake of your family, your city, your state and the world.

What are the Three Qualities of an A+ child?

We tell our children that they need to be A+ kids, and there are only three things they have to do to accomplish this. These three things are to be respectful, responsible, and fun to be around. When you think about it, pretty much any behavior can fall in these three areas, and therefore if they aren’t A+ kids then you can name the category pretty easily.
Want some examples? We have family night every Saturday night, and on one family night much to my children’s chagrin we filled out a big poster board with examples of the three categories. Here are some of the things they came up with:
Respectful

• Saying “Yes, Mom” and “Yes, Dad”
• Leave other people’s things alone
• Keep your word
• Be kind

Responsible

• Do your chores without being asked
• Fast and snappy and right the first time
• Clean up after ourselves
• Ask for help
• Be honest
• Take care of feelings in an OK manner

Fun to be around

• Don’t call names
• Give people a chance
• Brush teeth
• Listen and don’t interrupt
• Don’t swear
• Good manners

In addition, we also came up with a list of “feeling words”, which we’ve discovered our kids have difficulty using. We’ve been trying to teach them how to tell each other (or us) how something makes them feel, instead of just saying “You’re a jerk” or “I hate you”. Some of the feeling words they came up with were:

• Embarrassed
• Angry
• Happy
• Lonely
• Sad

So, if you’re really looking for something fun to do on a Saturday night, make an “A+ Child” poster of your own!
Looking for parenting help?
One tool that we’ve used is the Total Transformation program by James Lehman. It’s given us a lot of solid, common sense ideas for parenting our challenging children.